Suffering Jets: It Was All a Dream


Oh man, I just had the craziest dream. I was sitting on a giant turtle in the ocean, watching TV. The Jets were playing the Ravens and the game was being broadcast in German. But here’s the crazy part: the Jets were doing really well. It was a complete bounce-back performance from their embarrassment in Buffalo.

I couldn’t believe my own eyes when I saw Geno Smith out there, making accurate passes, making smart passes. Hell, he was even throwing the ball away when there was nothing there to avoid unnecessary sacks and turnovers. A large part of Geno’s success seemed to be due to the fact that the game plan did not hinge on his performance; I distinctly remember the announcers (Kenny Albert with David Bowie’s voice and a sentient toaster named Larry,) stating that he had only thrown the ball 20 times, completing 15 of them. The rest of the offense was devoted to running the ball, inside and outside, with a combination of Chris Ivory, Bilal Powell and a little bit of Josh Cribbs. “They’re really performing at a high level when they rely more on their running game,” said Kenny-Bowie. “Yes, the combination of good run blocking and runners who are quick and physical can really carry a team, even though this league has become very reliant on the pass,” agreed Larry. And when Geno Smith was throwing the ball, he was spreading it around to pretty much everyone: Underneath to that newish guy Greg Salas for a few yards. Santonio Holmes for a first down (with no obnoxious first down celebration.) Jeff Cumberland in the back of the end zone for a touchdown. Even Stephen Hill was actually getting involved after not catching a pass for what seemed like four games. A mustachioed Matt Simms couldn’t help but smile and applaud from the sidelines.

Even the Jets defense was totally clicking. Their defensive line and rush defense was par for the year, but it was the play of their pass defense that was the most unbelievable. Both Dee Milliner and Antonio Allen picked off Joe Flacco, even after both had the ball deflect off their faces. Rather impressive recoveries. Sure they had their miscues: Antonio Cromartie got beat downfield a couple of times, though that’s to be expected, even in a dream world. For the most part however, the Ravens passing game was totally shut down by the defensive backs of the Jets. I also seem to remember Nick Folk kicking a few field goals, though he was wearing red cleats and kicking with his left foot. I’m sure that says something about my inner-psyche, but I’ll leave that to the psychologists in the audience.

The last thing I remember is what seemed like a little reality setting in. Flacco let loose a huge bomb to Jacoby Jones and just before it hit his hands for an easy touchdown, I woke up on the couch, covered in cookie crumbs, using a football as a pillow. The Ravens beat the Jets 19-3. It was all a dream.


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