Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 1

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones… Wow, it’s been almost two years. How’s everyone been? Me, I’m more or less the same, only I have a bit of a mustache going at the moment. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, also, Jon Snow was revealed to be a Targaryen, only he doesn’t know that yet, so he inadvertently had sex with his aunt, Daenerys. Heh, Jon thought she was just a strong, powerful, beautiful woman who intimidated and challenged him in ways he enjoyed. Nope! Sorry. Aunt. Also, the Night King has an ice dragon and blew a big hole in The Wall. Seems like that’s going to be a thing. This week, on Sansa Snark…

Season 8, Episode 1: Winterfell

Bold move, naming the episode after the location where we spend the most time. Actually, it’s more of a book move, where chapters are titled after whose perspective the narration is from. All of which is to say: UNORIGINAL AND SAD!

Sansa Snark: Season 7, Episode 5

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… Latest episode of the hit series. This week…

Season 7, Episode 5- Eastwatch

Hey, so Jaime didn’t die! Not that there was any chance of that actually happening in the first place. Still, it’s always nice when a character doesn’t die a random, heartbreaking death, and instead turns up on a beach to hack up a lung like me after a three-mile run. What a glorious day! (And Bronn didn’t die either!) Not so glorious for Jaime, he now has to be the one to let Cersei know that they are so totally fucked (Bronn’s words!) because if the Lannister army can’t stand up to one dragon, how in the name of Zeus’ BUTTHOLE are they going to stand up to three?

Sansa Snark: Season 7, Episode 4

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… Daenerys continues to get outplayed, but hey, at least she has a lot of fun nicknames! This week…

Season 7, Episode 4- The Spoils of War

At last, all the living Stark children have returned to Winterfell, and everything is just as it was! Aside from Bran being a cripple devoid of any social skills! And Arya turning into a trained killer with an insatiable bloodlust. Huh, you know, Sansa has had a real rough go of it too. Also, Winterfell ain’t exactly in the best shape. Oh wow, and at least half of the family has been murdered in various brutal ways… Man, this was actually a pretty bittersweet moment! In the future, when you look up examples of “bittersweet” in the dictionary, it should read, “Well, the Stark children finally reunited, but not before having to endure (among many other things) sexual assault, temporary blindness, learning that your time-traveling antics turned Hodor into Hodor, and the cruel deaths of many family members, so naturally their reunion was a little bittersweet.” Regardless, they’re back, and that’s what really counts, right?…

Sansa Snark: Season 6, Episode 10- THE GRAND FINALE

Photo: HBO

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… Bastards Battled! This week…

Season 6, Episode 10- The Winds of Winter

Forget books. The TV show got to “The Winds of Winter” first. All books must now be thrown into the trash. And now that I’ve said my piece, let’s get on with that explosive season finale!