Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 6

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… I mean, it was certainly an episode of Game of Thrones. That’s about the only non-controversial thing that can be said about what was either a masterpiece or the biggest crock of shit ever aired on television. This week, Sansa Snark presents…

Season 8, Episode 6: The Iron Throne

Only ~3000 more words to go before we can close the book on Game of Thrones forever. Who is sitting on the Iron Throne? What was the deal with that horse from last week? Was the true “Game of Thrones” the friends we made along the way? Let’s not waste anymore time!

Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 5

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones…

This week, Sansa Snark presents:

Season 8, Episode 5: The Bells

EVERYONE DIED!? Whoa, crazy! And there’s been leaks that next week’s episode is just going to be 90 minutes of a black screen while Benioff and Weiss read the script for the pilot of Confederate? WILD.

Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 4

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones… If you had your television’s brightness settings calibrated jussssssst right, you might have seen quite the battle between the living and the dead. This week, Sansa Snark presents:

Season 8, Episode 4: The Last of the Starks

Things pick up not long after where we left off. As you might expect, a lot of people are dead. Jorah: dead. Theon: dead. Edd: you may have forgotten because it takes place so early in the episode but, dead. Someone else who is dead is the Night King, and let’s just get this out of the way before I go on a prolonged rant and burst a blood vessel in my forehead: there’s no further explanation of what the whole deal with him was. The Night King was (at least for now unless they spend the entire series finale delving into it) just an evil guy on a TV show doing evil things because he’s evil and evil guys on TV shows do evil things.

Sansa Snark: Season 7, Episode 6

 

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… Get this: Jon Snow and his band of handsome gentlemen went, get this, North of The Wall in order to, get this, capture a wight and, get this, bring it back to King’s Landing in order to, GET THIS, convince Cersei that because a wight exists, and because they captured it and brought it to her, that this means they should definitely all work together. Genius! Why didn’t I think of this well-thought-out plan that has zero holes or flaws in it? This week…

Season 7, Episode 6- Beyond The Wall

Ah yes. The penultimate episode of this season of Game of Thrones. Hard to believe we’re here already. But, that’ll happen when the season is only seven episodes long because Benioff and Weiss want to get to work on their ill-advised, extremely problematic show about *takes bong rip* bro, what if the South won the Civil War, man? *exhales and coughs violently* as soon as possible. If you’ve been following this recap series or, you know, paying any attention to the the actual show at all over the previous six seasons, you know that Game of Thrones typically reserves some of its biggest/most shocking moments for these penultimate episodes. To recap within this recap:

• Season One: Ned Stark is executed
• Season Two: The Battle of the Blackwater
• Season Three: The Red Wedding
• Season Four: #BlackCastle
• Season Five: Stannis burns Shireen alive.
• Season Six: The Battle of the Bastards

After writing that down, I’m now realizing that, from year-to-year the moments alternate in theme between “legitimately upsetting” to “take a look at out CGI budget in the form of this huge battle.” So, being that we’re in an odd-numbered season, did the second-to-last episode of season seven deliver a soul-crushing, “fuck you George Benioff and Weiss for making me believe in hope,” moment?