Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 5

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones…

This week, Sansa Snark presents:

Season 8, Episode 5: The Bells

EVERYONE DIED!? Whoa, crazy! And there’s been leaks that next week’s episode is just going to be 90 minutes of a black screen while Benioff and Weiss read the script for the pilot of Confederate? WILD.

Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 4

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones… If you had your television’s brightness settings calibrated jussssssst right, you might have seen quite the battle between the living and the dead. This week, Sansa Snark presents:

Season 8, Episode 4: The Last of the Starks

Things pick up not long after where we left off. As you might expect, a lot of people are dead. Jorah: dead. Theon: dead. Edd: you may have forgotten because it takes place so early in the episode but, dead. Someone else who is dead is the Night King, and let’s just get this out of the way before I go on a prolonged rant and burst a blood vessel in my forehead: there’s no further explanation of what the whole deal with him was. The Night King was (at least for now unless they spend the entire series finale delving into it) just an evil guy on a TV show doing evil things because he’s evil and evil guys on TV shows do evil things.

Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 2

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones… People were reunited to varying degrees of it feeling so good. This week, Sansa Snark presents:

Season 8, Episode 2: Game of Thrones Episode 69, Nice.

It’s the night before the big game and Winterfell is getting antsy. Jaime Lannister is there now too, and everyone is EXTREMELY HAPPY TO SEE HIM. Daenerys is regaling Jaime with a depressing story about her childhood. She reveals that, like literally every night, her very cool and totally chill brother Viserys would explain in detail how their father — the Mad King Aerys Targaryen — was murdered and how his blood spilled out onto the floor. Love helping my younger sister fall asleep by explaining regicide.

Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 1

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones… Wow, it’s been almost two years. How’s everyone been? Me, I’m more or less the same, only I have a bit of a mustache going at the moment. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, also, Jon Snow was revealed to be a Targaryen, only he doesn’t know that yet, so he inadvertently had sex with his aunt, Daenerys. Heh, Jon thought she was just a strong, powerful, beautiful woman who intimidated and challenged him in ways he enjoyed. Nope! Sorry. Aunt. Also, the Night King has an ice dragon and blew a big hole in The Wall. Seems like that’s going to be a thing. This week, on Sansa Snark…

Season 8, Episode 1: Winterfell

Bold move, naming the episode after the location where we spend the most time. Actually, it’s more of a book move, where chapters are titled after whose perspective the narration is from. All of which is to say: UNORIGINAL AND SAD!