Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 6

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… I mean, it was certainly an episode of Game of Thrones. That’s about the only non-controversial thing that can be said about what was either a masterpiece or the biggest crock of shit ever aired on television. This week, Sansa Snark presents…

Season 8, Episode 6: The Iron Throne

Only ~3000 more words to go before we can close the book on Game of Thrones forever. Who is sitting on the Iron Throne? What was the deal with that horse from last week? Was the true “Game of Thrones” the friends we made along the way? Let’s not waste anymore time!

Sansa Snark: Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 1

Previously, on recapping Game of Thrones… Wow, it’s been almost two years. How’s everyone been? Me, I’m more or less the same, only I have a bit of a mustache going at the moment. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, also, Jon Snow was revealed to be a Targaryen, only he doesn’t know that yet, so he inadvertently had sex with his aunt, Daenerys. Heh, Jon thought she was just a strong, powerful, beautiful woman who intimidated and challenged him in ways he enjoyed. Nope! Sorry. Aunt. Also, the Night King has an ice dragon and blew a big hole in The Wall. Seems like that’s going to be a thing. This week, on Sansa Snark…

Season 8, Episode 1: Winterfell

Bold move, naming the episode after the location where we spend the most time. Actually, it’s more of a book move, where chapters are titled after whose perspective the narration is from. All of which is to say: UNORIGINAL AND SAD!

Sansa Snark: Season 7, Episode 7

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… no one too important died, unless you count a dragon that we’ve barely spent any time with getting killed and turned into a wight by the Night King himself. Idk, it doesn’t seem like it will be that big of a deal? This week…

Season 7, Episode 7- The Dragon and the Wolf

All it took was a polite suggestion from Samwell Tarly that Bran Stark use his Associate’s degree in Three-Eyed Raven studies to look at one very specific moment, and voila! At last we have the full story. Rhaegar Targaryen didn’t kidnap and rape Lyanna Stark, they were in love. Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie. Jon Snow isn’t the bastard son of Ned Stark, he’s the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, and a legitimate one at that. He was never a bastard, in fact he’s the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. And Jon’s name isn’t Jon either, it’s Aegon. Hmm, Aegon… I like it! Exotic enough so as to feel more fantastical than a name like Robert, but not difficult to learn how to spell correctly like Daenerys or Melisandre. Or Robb. Fuck you and your two b’s Robb, I don’t miss you.

But yeah, the complete revelation on Jon Snow’s heritage certainly… complicates things? Especially because, you know, Jon and Daenerys totally end up boning by episode’s end! Ew guys, you’re related! This won’t end up just affecting events within the show, it affects me too. I feel that I have been largely pro-Jon Snow throughout this show’s run. But, I also haven’t shied away from my vehement anti-incest opinions on this blog before. Can I really afford to compromise on them now all in service of continuing to support a fictional character who I’ll never meet because he isn’t real? Man, how did I get here…

Sansa Snark: Season 7, Episode 5

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… Latest episode of the hit series. This week…

Season 7, Episode 5- Eastwatch

Hey, so Jaime didn’t die! Not that there was any chance of that actually happening in the first place. Still, it’s always nice when a character doesn’t die a random, heartbreaking death, and instead turns up on a beach to hack up a lung like me after a three-mile run. What a glorious day! (And Bronn didn’t die either!) Not so glorious for Jaime, he now has to be the one to let Cersei know that they are so totally fucked (Bronn’s words!) because if the Lannister army can’t stand up to one dragon, how in the name of Zeus’ BUTTHOLE are they going to stand up to three?