Sansa Snark: Season 7, Episode 5

Previously on recapping Game of Thrones… Latest episode of the hit series. This week…

Season 7, Episode 5- Eastwatch

Hey, so Jaime didn’t die! Not that there was any chance of that actually happening in the first place. Still, it’s always nice when a character doesn’t die a random, heartbreaking death, and instead turns up on a beach to hack up a lung like me after a three-mile run. What a glorious day! (And Bronn didn’t die either!) Not so glorious for Jaime, he now has to be the one to let Cersei know that they are so totally fucked (Bronn’s words!) because if the Lannister army can’t stand up to one dragon, how in the name of Zeus’ BUTTHOLE are they going to stand up to three?

Game of Thrones Season 3, Sansa Snark Blog- Episodes 1-5

I’ve started watching Game of Thrones. Everyone acts like it is a gift of the old gods (and new!) to television, but is it? (Probably not, but it is really good.) Stay tuned for regular updates as I post my comments and observations on the show, season by season, episode by episode. These posts will have no real structure except to disrespect the obvious hard work that goes into creating a show of this scope and magnitude. Shall we?

Previously on Game of Thrones… Ygritte, Hot Pie, Jaime Lannister’s Beard, Boat Explosions, The National. And I guess The White Walkers showed up.

Episode 1

– It’s a cold open. LITERALLY!

– Can they seriously expect Sam to send out the ravens when they’re all busy trying to not get decapitated by White Walkers? C’mon now.

– Wait, The Lord of Bones can just take his terrifying bone mask off?? You know, I could accept some of the more fantastical elements of the show (and that the only indication of passing time is that Jaime has grown a full beard,) but this just takes it too far.

– So, Davos is alive; washed up on a rock, burnt and covered in what looks like bird shit, but alive.

– Cersei has a look on her face that just screams, “WE CAN’T HAVE A QUEEN THAT SUPPORTS ORPHANS!”

– This whole scene of Daenerys negotiating the terms of purchasing a slave army with Fake Young Ben Kingsley is actually pretty hilarious. Everyone loves a good lost in translation scene, it’s probably why the movie Lost in Translation was nominated for multiple Academy Awards. (I mean, just take the concept of misunderstandings due to language gaps and spread it out over a whole movie? Brilliant!)

– 8000 guys in the army, each of which had to kill a baby. Are you telling me there are 8000 more dead babies within the universe of this show??? What is with the killing of all the babies???? STOP KILLING BABIES!!

To clarify: This man is not Ben Kingsley. However, he does look like a younger version of the way Ben Kingsley looks today. Hence, Fake Young Ben Kingsley.